11/06/2019
I am emotionally broken up at this time, this month, my birthday month comes up with an curse. And the curse is fell down your knees and feel how much is painful when you get emotionally broken up. Everyone is taunting me and stating me as wrong that you are wrong and you did it wrong, but nobody is asking me that, why are you wrong. Is there something wrong? You were becoming so much bitter and shouting on peoples. Well, everyone stating me wrong even the closest person were doing to me. And honestly i missing my mom right now because here presence can make me strong to fight all odds and don’t get affected by any negative vibes.
But she is not here and sometimes i feel so much alone and starts thinking about myself. I am so much into with my mom what would we happen if she leaves me for rest of my life. Because she is the only one who correct me with her words. She is the not one who keep taunting me you are wrong and accept it. She always motivate me with if you were wrong then correct it that’s simple.
I want to cry my heart out and because the girl sitting besides me stating me wrong for my one mistake. And she is collecting all the mistakes and just asking one thing why you have not realized your mistake. Beside of this she can simply asked me what happened why are you behaving so strange. I mean literally nobody asks me even you my best friend when you buzz my phone, you never asked that how are you what’s going on or even listen me. Okay! If this point i will share with you then you will simply say that it’s okay i won’t call you and share my problems with you. Hell, yeah man, don’t skip from this, this is what the first thing will come up in your mind. Will you please, can you do me a favor if you want to do this then go for it. But remember that this is not the solution.
You can either tell me that it will never going to happen again, besides of stopping conversation with me or saying sorry to me. I don’t owe your sorry i owe you and you have to know about it. Okay, my friend tell me one thing on call when you asked me how are you? Tell me that last time you did asked? You don’t remember, i know i am always there for you i told you that and i totally mean it. But, what about you? You won’t have to be there for me? I mean come on on back then last call you asked me you were remain to say something about our incident, i told you i don’t wanna talk about it. What was your reply? Thik hai chal Bye!
I was almost crying at time when you just cut the call saying that simple bye! I mean you were just call me for asking that is there something else you want to share about your mistake? I was almost crying and expecting call from you and i became happy with joy but it get turned off when it comes up about asking about me.
Did you asked me why what happen, why did you behaving like this? Everyone were asking just leave everyone our peon were asking what happen sir why are been so quiet from past days. And last call from previous one, i simply said i have done something good for you so you can do me a favor by sitting beside me. What was your reply you have done the mistake Abhishek you never have to said this thing to me! Hold on Mam, if your parents were taking care and doing there deeds with full heart to keep you happy, they doesn’t deserve anything in return? Or tell me one thing they didn’t asked you to do this and that to me? Right they have said that, every relation works on putting efforts for each other it doesn’t matter they are demanding for it or not.
Now you will be thinking he is comparing himself with my parents! I know yes i am doing that, because i have never treat you as only my friend. I have been treating you as my family or second family. I do mistakes, i do dumb things but it doesn’t mean that you only point out that things. You can correct it by asking me what happen why you have been shouting or doing this kind of behaviour. I am the dumbest one who can angry on you on small thing because you are close to me. From not showing me your birthday gift to ending call with simple bye. Nothing broke me down most, but that call from you by saying bye. Make me hold the tear inside, i am not acting or doing something for sympathy. All is that i have been holding my tears from very long time and that kills my natural behaviour. I am always been expressive regarding my behaviour, and that is what happening. Every night i think i have not done so bad to you that you should have to treat me like this.
Okay i treated you bad which was honestly not intentionally and even i was not showing anger on you. You could tell me at that time you felt bad or can share with me at evening. Leave it, i am not holding any grudges from you and nothing has been happened between us. I am just holding my tears from long time and that is what melting me inside. After my mom the most of me i have ever shared with someone is only you. Not that girl whom i loved most, not this girl who is loving me most. You hold the position of a friend who can correct me anytime, but not every time. I am also an human want to get pampered from family to friends. I am not writing this to let you felt guilty i have never done in past too and never going to do this in future too.
I AM HERE NOT TO CLARIFY THAT I WAS WRONG OR NOT, I AM JUST CLARIFYING THAT I WAS WEAK AND WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT BYE FROM YOU.
And please don’t tell me that you could call to me, your bye makes me so much mad i decided that to make myself bold and strong to bear that breakdown pain. Understand me, and last it doesn’t matter i compliments you on your face or not. But deep down i holds the respect and immense love for you. I can't say this to you because if i started sharing these to you probably i would starts crying.
